I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
