dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
