woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
