I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
