Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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