he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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