I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
