I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
