i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
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