her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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