I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We got so high we made milksteak
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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