He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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