he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
