i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
