I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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