i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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