Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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