I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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