I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
