It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
