I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
