I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
