If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I want her autograph on my taint
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
