Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
