Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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