dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
