He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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