ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
