And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
