Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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