Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
