He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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