SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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