dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
pray to the hookup gods
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
