im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
