Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
