I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
