guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
