Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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