He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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