chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We are two peas in an std pod
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
