I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
