Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
