Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
