Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
