They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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