i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
They took my balls.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
