he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
