They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My cat gives me a boner
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
