Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
