Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
