my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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