she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
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